I'm pretty sure "sleeping like a baby" only applies to newborns who are a few days old. My kid does not want to sleep unless he's feeding or cuddling with me at 4am. It's about 11:30pm and I am sitting in Alex's room trying to lull him with the sweet sounds of baroque while he sways in his glider. I know he's tired--he just really tries to fight this sleep thing. I've heard this too will pass (hopefully sooner than later).
So about this new mom thing. It definitely helps to know that I am not the only crazy one that thinks it is really hard. It's worth it. But it's hard. It's hard in the way that I miss being able to go out for a beer or leave the house to run a quick errand or go out to dinner James. It's hard worrying about someone so much because you love them so insanely that the very thought of them hurting is painful. And the lack of sleep...
That said, it's also crazy how much I have fallen in love with my kid. He's such a beautiful, smiley baby. When I feed him in the morning he looks up at me with his big, round, blue eyes and smiles. If I even mention that he is in fact a "happy baby" he will start to grin like crazy. I adore him with every ounce of my being. I mean, I've loved him since I found out I was having him, but the love I feel for him now is different even from his first few days of life. I feel this very strong bond with him that comes from spending time with someone. He felt a bit like a stranger to me in his first few days. Now it's almost as if he's an extension of me, but still his own person somehow.
When it comes to how hard it is, I'm managing much better now. I take Alex out in his carrier to walk the dog. I don't feel quite so intimidated about taking him anywhere, really. James will watch him a few times a week so that I can go running. I can actually make dinner and shower and it's all ok. I go back to work in a few weeks, which will be an adjustment for all of us. But until then, I'm just gonna work on sleeping.
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