I’d like to preface this post by saying that I think the way
in which a baby is fed is totally up to the parent and I think parents do their
very best. Only they can decide what is right for their family or child.
It was never a question. When asked if I would be
breastfeeding, “Yes! Of course!” I’d never given it much thought, truthfully.
Before getting pregnant I thought, sure I’ll breastfeed my kid. It will go
fine. Honestly, my biggest concern before having Alex was whether or not I
would get the “positioning” down. I couldn’t have imagined the journey I have
had.
I had the pump, the breast pads, and the bottles for
expressed breast milk. I read the first few chapters of “The Womanly Art of
Breastfeeding” the week before Alex was born. I knew about the “golden
hour”—the skin to skin contact and the importance of breastfeeding within that
time. I knew my kid would need to eat every couple hours at first. I mean, I’m
a nurse. I’ve studied this stuff, right?
It seemed like we were starting off well. Alex was placed on my skin immediately
after birth. He breastfed within minutes and took to it like a champ.
Then we were moved from labor and delivery to our postpartum
room. The marker board said feed your baby every 2-3 hours or on demand. Wait,
“Nurse! Does that mean I feed him every 3 hours from the start of the time I
fed him or the end? “ The start, ok. Why does he keep falling asleep? Alex,
wake up buddy! You need to eat. You are sooo sleepy. Boy am I tired. Haven’t
slept in days. Can’t sleep. Must watch baby.
Day 1- Nurse: Your baby hasn’t lost too much. He looks
great.
Lactation consultant #1: Don’t let anyone tell you that you
can’t breastfeed just because you have small breasts.
(Awesome! I am a warrior!)
Day 2: Nurse: Your baby has lost 9%. We get concerned at
12%.
Me: Ok…so what do I do?
Nurse: Your milk still hasn’t come in. It will get better
after that.
Lactation consultant #2: Pump for 10 minutes and I will come
back and see what you’ve pumped.
(I pumped approximately 5ml of colostrum)
Me: What does this mean?
LC #2: Your nurse practitioner is concerned that you don’t have
enough breast tissue to feed your baby.
Me: Huh?
LC #2: It’s ok. You might be able to feed him. But I was
formula fed and I turned out fine.
Me: Huh? I’ve heard low supply is actually very rare.
LC#2: Nope. It happens all the time. In the old days women
used wet nurses when they had low supply.
Me: (in tears) So what do I do?
LC#2: Don’t starve your baby. You can take herbal
supplements, but who knows if they actually work.
Then she basically went on to say that she hated the La
Leche League and most women who breastfed got on her nerves. Also, said that
she didn’t think I would ever make a ton of milk, but possibly “just
enough”. Sent me out the door in tears
with a new baby and no hope.
I came home and cried some more. Every 20 minutes I would try
to breastfeed Alex and he would fall asleep. Then he would wake up screaming.
He only had one wet diaper that day so we fed him ½ ounce of formula (donor
breastmilk was not an option at $4 an ounce).
The next day at the pediatrician, we met with the lactation
consultant. She discovered Alex’s tongue-tie (don’t know why they never checked
at the hospital) and we had a same-day appointment to get it clipped. Four days
later Alex was up to 7lbs 3oz from his lowest weight of 6lbs 12oz. Things were
looking up…
Until one week later when Alex was only 7lbs 5oz. Weird. I
had been feeding him nonstop. The lactation consultant attributed his slow
weight gain to epidural fluid being peed off. My gut said something different.
Three days later I decided to go to breastfeeding group. I
could get a weight and see how much Alex was eating. 7lbs 6oz.—still not back up to birth weight
at almost 3 weeks old. What is going on? The lactation consultant checked his
mouth. He still had a tongue tie. Apparently it is common for kids to have
tongue-tie “revisions” or basically the tissue is snipped again because it
wasn’t completely cut the first time. I had a referral in hand for a pediatric
dentist who could do the procedure. And then I received some of the most
wonderful advice. “Feed your baby” they told me. “He will have this procedure
and will start eating better but in the meantime you have to feed your kid. And
if it’s formula, that’s ok for now. We will help you get your supply back
up”. And I must say with all the
judgment surrounding formula feeding, it was really refreshing for someone to
tell me I was working hard, doing all that I could, it wasn’t my fault, and I
was not a bad mother for giving my child formula aka meeting his basic needs
because he had an anatomical issue. And she was right. I had to supplement Alex
for 3 weeks to give his mouth time to heal and for my supply to build, but
after that he exclusively breastfed—and still is.
Turns out LC#1 was right. I have had no milk supply issues.
I make tons more than Alex eats. ¼ of my freezer is filled at this point. I’m
thinking I might have to buy another freezer…or start donating the stuff. Or
bake some things for LC#2 and the NP who said my breasts were too small.
Overall, I’ve learned so much from breastfeeding my kid. We
had a really rough start, but I’m glad that I didn’t give up. I’ve also learned
how tough breastfeeding can be. Your child really does eat 24/7 the first
couple of weeks. I also feel for those mothers out there that feel guilty for
giving their children formula. So many women shame formula without knowing the
struggles of these women. And obviously I think breast is best, but it is
ultimately the right of the parent to decide how her child will be fed. And don’t even get me started
on breastfeeding attitudes in our culture. That is a topic for another day.
